I had a really funny joke about a dead baby...but I threw it out

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot lost control of the plane.

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Why can't the T-rex clap? Because it's extinct

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What's worse than a duck with one leg? A nuclear explosion

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What is the difference between me and you? I am not readin this joke.

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Why is Easter better than christmas? Theres a significantly less chance of getting raped by a man in a Santa Claus costume.

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Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

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how come timmy didnt brush his teeth he didnt have a toothbrush

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has an abusive farmer and needs to get away before it gets any worse.

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how do you call a big red creature eating rocks? the big red rock eating creature.

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why do gingers have no friends? They are non sentient stems that are simply not capable of interacting with intellectual humans

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What do you call an iphone in a puddle? Broken

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whats long ,hard and full of sea men ? a sumureen

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is something I love to eat, the other is a watermelon.

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A farmer was robbed and complained to the sheriff's department that he suspected it was a black man behind the crime. "How do you know this for sure?" The sheriff asked him. He replied, "I chased him into the night, it was dark and I couldn't see him"

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A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

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yo mamma so fat that when she goes out in high heels she comes back in flip flops

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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Q: Why didn't the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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ass.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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