Onions are like loved ones... They are both nouns. And you cry when you cut into them.

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A man works at a brick factory. He is told by his boss that if he is to steal any brick from the factory, he will be sacked. But every day the man steals one brick and puts it in his lunch box to take home and is not caught. One day he has enough bricks to build a house, and he says "When I build this house there will be none left over". The house is now built and while the man is taking a look around he stubs his toe on something, he looks down to see a brick and he sighs, picks up the brick and throws it in the air. There are two pilots driving a plane, one has a dog and one has a wardrobe. One pilot says to the other "I don't particularly like dogs" then the other pilot says to him "I don't really like wardrobes". They then make an agreement and throw both the wardrobe and the dog out the window. Five minutes later one pilot looks out the window out onto the plane wing, and guess what he sees? A brick.

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Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

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What did the trucker say when his hat blew out the window? "**** my hat!" What did the teenager say when the same thing happened to him in his small car? The same thing, except he was a teenager, driving a small car.

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Why did the farmer's wife leave the farm? Because she was a lesbian.

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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

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Why did the black man run from the officer? The officer was trying to perform non-voluntary sexual acts against him.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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Why did the girl gO shopping?! Because she got paid and wanted to blow(;

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bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

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What is just as real as a unicorn? World peace

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Why are black people so good at basketball? they can SHOOT, STEAL and RUN.

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What's the difference between a banana and a monkey? They're both yellow, except the monkey

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The Holocaust? What's worse than finding a worm in your apple.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead

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What happens when two black people go into a store with masks on? They buy candy for Trick-or-Treating

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What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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Roses are Gray. Violets are Gray. I am a Dog.

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seven guys rob a bank, they share it in this ratio 2:2:2:4:2:5:2 who got the most money? you don't know

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette on an island. This island is called England, and this situation tends to happen a lot.

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A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy

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your mom is so fat jesus couldnt even lift her spirits

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Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

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Q:What do you call chocolate without a gag reflex? A: Choc-o-late (Choke a lot)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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