What does a black guy and an apple have in common? They're both apples except for the black guy

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Two penguins are sitting in the bathtub, the first one says to the second one "pass the soap." The other penguin says," what do I look like a radio?"

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Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, 7 being the highest, what is you favorite color

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What did the boy with no arms, no legs, and cancer get for his birthday? AIDS

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What do Bruce Lee and Michael Jackson have in common? They are both dead

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A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: Doctor B: Doctor who? A: Doctor Johnson, i'm here to check up on you. How's the medication going? B: It's going well thank you, it's working. A: That's very good to hear. Hope you recover soon. B: Thank you!

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what did one wall say to another wall? nothing walls cant talk

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There once was a man from Nantucket... Who was fiscally responsible.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? We are both horses

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Why do girls have bumps around their nipples ? -it's brai for suck here .

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What's funnier than Justin Bieber dying in a car accident? Nicky Minaj being in the same car.

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The body system was looking for a leader!? Heart - I am because I circulate the blood Brain - I should be because I control the body Liver - I should because I feed Anus - No, I am All laugh The anus held closed for seven days. The liver exploded the brain stewed and the heart stopped beating. Anus - Now, what am I?!

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why did the little girl drown? because she was left unsupervized and had never properly learned to swim. she also had no arms and cancer.

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What did the baseball coach say to his son? Nothing. He was dead.

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This is an anti-anti-joke.

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how did the doctors try to cure stephen hawking? turn him off then back on again

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what is worse than losing your phone? having it destroyed because you were texting while driving causing an accident and you are not eligible for and upgrade for another two months.

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what do JFK, plato, and a dead penguin have in common? theyre all dead.

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whats it called when you see a ton of white people running down a hill.... an avalanch whats it called when you see a ton of black people running down a hill.....a mud slide whats it called when you see a ton of mexicans running down a hill............ a jail break

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Q:Whats worse than you touching yourself at night A: The holocaust

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What did the man with the gun say to the man without the gun? I have a gun

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What did the wall say to the other wall? I didn't say anything because it isn't living and it can't talk because it is impossible.

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What did the overweight blind kid get for Christmas? His parents died in a tragic car crash and he was left alone, fat and blind to fend for himself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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