What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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Thanks, I admire your sincerity, and I am happy to see that I got a lot more in common with you, than with well, my nerdy and geeky friends, which are not reading this here and now unless they are going against their orders and messing up their own work schedule. I just want you to know that I have fallen in love with you Nero, and if that is a problem for you, please let me know ASAP.

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How types of people are there? One, we are the only homo sapiens.

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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 1

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What's blue, cold and makes people cry? A dead baby

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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what shoes do pedafiles wear White vans

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Why was timmy having trouble with his homework? Because lobotomies were a forced practice in the 1950's.

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I named my cat Pounce because she jumps. In retrospect I suppose most cats do jump, in fact, they are even known for it.

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Dr Dr I think I have diarrhea You have irritable bowel syndrome, I recommend IBS support

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm gonna screw you and you don't have a clue !

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why was the tolit stoped up. because it had phoo

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what is the diference between a jew and a boy scout. a boy scout comes home from camp.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Alan: My Grandfather has a jacket made from jews that he killed while he was in the SS. James: Really? Alan: No, I'm Korean. My Grandfather would not be allowing into the SS.

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Why can't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? Because it takes years of hard training to accomplish such a remarkable feat.

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I walked into temptation yesterday, He said hi.

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Q. What is worse than being raped A. Being raped twice

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why did the golfer ware two ares of paents. if he got a hole in one

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Alternate ending for children: Despite the massive trauma that the spider suffered from his fall and the sheer volume of rain in the confined space of a pipe, it made a miraculous recover due to the sun coming out. It was however, forever doomed to repeat this cycle of undeath for ever more. [L]

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A man is flailing his arms in the ocean. Help me, I'm drowning!, he screams. Some dude runs into the water, drags the man out, and is proclaimed a Hero.

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A man walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "Do you know where the library is located?" The bartender describes to him that the closest library is three blocks down, next to the red brick building with a green roof.

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What's worse than getting a F on your History test? The millions of children around your age that cannot even afford to go to school, most likely because they live in a third world country.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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