What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Drowning

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So three philosophers walk into a bar. Is it necessarily the case that they walk into a bar?

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Wanna hear a bathroom joke? YOU TRYIN' TO KILL US?!?

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A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is killing is family.

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Top ten reasons Microsoft Doors is better than Microsoft Windows. 1. Easier to open. 2. Doors do not crash... Windows does! 3. Watching pron? Your mother around? JUST SLAM THAT SHlT ON HER FACE! 4. Saves power! (Its easier to just shut and open doors) 5. Doors are a lot easier to get trough than windows. 6. When windows wishes you welcome the first time you install it, you still cant wipe your damn feet on it! 7. Its easier to surf on the internet on top of doors than on windows. 8. While Windows is easy to hack because you can try codes forever, you can just buy a good lock on your door and shut it. 9.The sun glaring on your screen trough your windows? GET MICROSOFT DOORS! 10. I dare you make one, i live doing this shit. Capcom before. And special thanks to you! Thanks for playing! Capcom now: Fuck off thats not DLC paywall! its actual downloadable only content! Just pay 45 bucks to get all colors to all characters.... ...Downloading Allcolors 10kb

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A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why do you have a wheel in your pants?"

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Is it true that curiousity killed the cat? No, I hit it multiple times with a baseball bat

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one day there was an ugly barnicle. he was SSSOOO ugly that everyone died the end -patrick

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Knock knock. Who's there? Falafel. Falafel who? I falafel. You feel awful? Ha, ha, ha! Oh, what a kneeslapper! Oh, God! Thanks for the laugh, I was feeling a little down and I... No, I just meant I ate a falafel. Oh. Yeah.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family attempted to cross the road approximately 30 seconds earlier and were immediately struck by a moving vehicle traveling at 45 miles per hour. He crossed the road to try to comfort his family while they took their final breathes of life. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a man that had recently been laid off from his union job and came down with a disease that is considered uncurable by modern science.

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I like my coffee like i like my woman.... with big titis.

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What's the difference between the sky and the ocean? They're both blue

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knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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What did hitler say when he spilt coffee all over himself Ow I am burnt

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Pansies are flowers, And daisies are too.

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Where do fat girls go to eat doughnuts? Jenny Craig

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Your mama's so nice, she made me cookies once. And I enjoyed them.

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How do you convince a therapist that he is crazy? Hide in a fortress made of sporks wearing nothing but a belt, and start hissing and throwing paint at him repeatedly.

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your mother is a well respected woman in society and makes delicious cookies.

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do you currently smoke? i hope not.

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What is funny about 9/11. Nothing you sicko, it was a tragic day for the world.

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Chuck Norris will die sometime in the future.

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What's 9+10? 19

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops