A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

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What do a black man and an elephant have in common? They are both multi-cellular organisms, they both belong to the kingdom Animalia, the phylum Chordata, and the class Mammalia, they both possess vertebrae, they both move through legged locomotion, they both possess knee joints and they both possess the capacity for altruistic behavior.

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What do you get when you put a frog in a paper shredder? Harshly punished by the Animal Humane Society

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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A dog walk into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What"ll it be?" The dog then breaks into tears as he realizes the bartender is his father's gay husband.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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why did the kid cross the road he didnt he had no legs

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Me: Want to hear a funny joke? Person: What? Me: Women's Right.

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what did the asian father say to his son after getting a c+ on a test? son you are working hard and i know you will do well

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I17. I17. I17. That was my best impression of a Bingo caller.

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Guess what? What? Idk. I just wanted to make u excited.

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Why should people with Alzheimer's not tell jokes? To get to the other side.

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three jews walk into a bar. then a bear mauls them.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John. John Anderson. Dude we've been friends since first grade! You really don't remember me? I'm going home!

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How old is george washington? anyway thats not the point your pregnant

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Why couldn't the man lick his elbows? Because it is scientifically proven that over 98% of humans can not lick their elbows.

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Teacher: "What is the outside layer on a tree?" Dog: "Bark" Teacher: "How would you describe the desert surface?" Dog: "Rough" Teacher: "Would you say that Abraham Lincoln was an intelligent man?" Dog: "Yarp"

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Why was the boy named Bethel? He had horrible parents that wanted him to live a life of social poverty.

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What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

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What would you call Kenny Dalgleish if he was black? Depends on the situation. In a formal environment you would call him Mr Dalgleish, in an informal one it would be acceptable to call him Kenny, Kenneth or just Ken.

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Why did the boy sharpen his pencil it was dull

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How do you confuse a blonde? put her in a circular room and tell her to stand in the corner

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he has has no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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