Miss Hoolie: Hello, PC Plum. What's the story in Balamory? PC Plum: I'm arresting you for the sexual molestation of twenty children.

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What is the longest sentence that a man knows? If it is used it in context, isn't round and the speaker attempts to quote the whole number - or at least all of it known to date, then any sentence involving the value of pi.

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Q:What do you call a duck that can fly? A:Bird.

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passenger seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Why couldn't Paul see. He got stabbed in the eye by two mexicans

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What do you get when you add a cucumber some vinegar some salt and you get..... Macaroni and cheese

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knock knock who's there peedo peedo who scissors

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Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? because he is dead -Eden Hogg

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why does it take 2 woman with p.m.t to change a light bulb? because there both tired , feel bloated , and could do with a bar of choccy

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Whats green, and says i'm a frog? A talking frog.

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What starts with a P and ends with O-R-N? porn

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two solely on her hair color, proceeds to kill them with a single shot glass. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet.

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What's worse than getting rejected by your date? Finding out she gave you a social disease. Namely AIDS.

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how do jews pay for a $1200 Tv. they play $1000.

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Why wasn't the man wearing a life vest? Because he was sleeping.

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Why did the teacher give out homework? she is a teacher

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1100110001012....HOLY S@&$ A 2!

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why is blake oneal gay? because hes black and he likes peniss in his ass

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What did the badger say to the mushroom? BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER MUSHROOM MUSHROOM! BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER ARGH SNAKE! IT'S A SNAKE...

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Knock, knock -Who's there? Help -Help who? Im dying of lukemia

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Q:Way C'nt U reed tHis? A: Because im retarted -ian surprenant

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Why are black people so good at basketball? They practice.

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I'm on the ABC diet. The ABC stands for: Americans British Chinese I eat humans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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