What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

Why was the dog barking? Because I lit him on fire.

What do black people do with M&Ms? They eat them.

What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

Why couldn't the little seven year old girl paint her finger nails? She fell in front of a train.

What did Santa say to his elf? Nothing. Santa isn't real. Elves aren't either for that matter.

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

2 wales are at the bar one looks at the other and dose a wale call for 5 long minutes and the other one reply's "dude your drunk we got to go"

How do you kill a dumb blonde? Stab them in the chest 43 times.

teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

What's black, white and red all over? A race war

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench. A man walks up and flashes them. The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady called 911 out of concern for her two friends.

What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

What do you get when you cross a spider with a cow? A dead spider.

What is the defference between Obama and an American? Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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