How did the Mexican cross the border without getting caught? He didn't; he was executed immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

knock knock come in !

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

cerleb i wrote the one about melons!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a white man without a face? Dead. What do you call a black man without a head? Negger.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What should you say when someone says a bad joke? I'm sorry, your joke cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and don't try again.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A dead guy walks into a grave.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why are women such horrible drivers? Their hair gets in the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Have you heard that Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? If so, than whoever told you may be mentally challenged, Bert & Ernie are both puppets which even though they resemble people with active personalities, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual oreintation.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down -19

lewis=cardiac

thumb_up thumb_down -19

An Asian man walks into a bar and ask the Barman for a beer, the Barman is racist and therefore tells the Asian man to leave his pub. The man goes home and drowns his children in the bath and pushes his wife down the stairs, he is found out by the police and is given a life sentence in jail. 5 years later the Barman kills someone in a bar fight and is also sent to jail for life. The Barman meats the Asian man in prison and they settle there differences with a handshake. Two days later the Barman was stabbed in the neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Kid 1: Mama why is my name Daisy? Mama: Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head! Kid 2: Mama why is my name Rose? Mama: Becuase it was a nice name.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car. He tells the car where to go!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Mommy how come daddy went to the doctors today? Well sweetie, honestly daddy wanted me to shove things up his ass And I refused to so he went to the doctors so they can do it...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what do the students call their red-headed friend? Mike.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

knock, knock Who's there? Statefarm... and we are always gonna be there for you

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why are there so many blacks in prison? *The rest of this joke has been removed to avoid causing offence*

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? Systemic oppression.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the irishman need plastic surgery? because after the bear attack where there used to be a face there is now a gap

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the white man say to the black man? Nice Pants

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops