A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee and a zebra. A: A crossover between a chimpanzee and a zebra, mixed together.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Corn Muffins

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the homosexual cross the road without looking both ways? He was blind......

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into me and I say: "WATCH IT PUNK!"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a Muslim on the moon? An astronaut

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I'm blind

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats brown and sticky? - A brown stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Why do geese fly in a V? A: It's more aerodynamic.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what's worse than pie? alot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, My name is Dave, This joke is pointless, microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did the kid with no hair get for christmas? cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If 2 wrongs make a right and 2 rights make a wrong, then when you have 4 rights=2 wrongs, you have a true statement. If you have 8 rights = 4 wrongs, you have a verified statement.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats the difference between a dog and a bird? They both fly

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go on vacation in Hawaii. They plan to swim to the next island. The brunette and redhead do it with no problem. The blonde swims halfway and realizes she is tired. She continues to swim straight ahead knowing her friends are already at the next island.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A Black man, a Latino, and a Midget get into a car. They drive to the county fair, get snow cones and ride the tilt-a-whirl.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops