Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

why did kermit cry?Ms.Piggy knocked him out on Christmas and he slept through the party and all of the presents

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's worse than a work in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Seeing the same joke repeated thousands of times on anti-joke.com.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

It was a boys birthday, his mom died of cancer, his dad of aids, and all of his siblings were put in a gas chamber. Happy Birthday

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What has 4 black legs, a green back, and will kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A Jew buys something that is not on sale

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A jew a muslim and a catholic walk into a doctors office. The doctor is arrested for raping a child and his office closes. The Jew and Muslim find another doctor andthe Catholic dies because he had aids

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't Kelly finish her test? She spontaneously combusted.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is worse then finding repeated jokes on anti jokes? finding a womr in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What happens when you wake a sleepwalker? Waking sleepwalkers does not harm them. While it is true that a person may be confused or disoriented for a short time after awakening, this does not cause them further harm. In contrast, sleepwalkers may injure themselves if they trip over objects or lose their balance while sleepwalking. Such injuries are common among sleepwalkers.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is Osama Bin Laden scared of the dark? To be honest, I don't know, and I doubt you do either. Osama Bin Laden has been a fugitive on America's Top Ten Most Wanted list for over 10 years; there is no way that you could possibly know such personal information about him if the United States government can't even locate him and prosecute him for the heinous crimes he committed against the U.S. Don't ever lie to me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -He thought it was a game Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? -He had no arms Why did the girl fall off her bike? -She was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops