- Anti Joke

How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

What did the dog say when the tiger bit him? Nothing. Dogs don't talk.

24

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

What was the fly doing in the soup? Nothing, the guy ordered pizza.

Why did the kid poop his pants? He was a baby

Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

What do u call 30000 Mexicans rolling Dow a hill. Hahaha your mom

Guy: I have a penis growing out of my crotch. Girl: Hah, sucks to be you! Guy: Yeah.

what did the judge say to the lawyer during a trial. He said We are all in a court. thus concluding that the judge was retarted.

What do you call dinosaur flatulence? Jurassic Fart!

Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

do yo know what's funnier than getting on a hidden camera show? Nope! it's just chuck testa

Whats big and red and eats rocks? A big red rockeater.

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

How do you make a snake blink? You can't

What is Hellen Keller's favorite movie? Around the block in 80 days.

Sir, do you know what time it is? Yes, it is 5:15 PM

haha women's rights.....what a joke.

FUCK YOU

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops