John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

thumb_up thumb_down +25

the WNBA.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I found out I had asthma earlier today. I was breathless.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is water clear? Because it doesn't have a pigmentation.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Matt Gregory Harrington is a bender, pylon, hoser, duster tripod, and puck bunny!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between a Ferrari and 50 dead babies? Where the hell would you even find 50 dead babies? That would be really disturbing.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

rabbits running in my bathroom!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So Superman walks into a bar right, WRONG, Superman flies into bar

thumb_up thumb_down +23

We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the sign say? It said slow down

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did george washington not make it to the prom? because george washington is dead

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Have you ever seen the movie called "The Tourist"? No

thumb_up thumb_down +23

meatspin.fr

thumb_up thumb_down +23

One time i was sitting down

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why is it funny when dogs talk ? Answer: they don't

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops