My diick won't stop barking unless I take it for a walk, problem is, I can't find a leash big enough

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What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

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Q: What did jerry sandusky do with little boys alone? A: Teach them how to play football

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

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You know its time to leave when she wake's up out of her coma and your balls are on her chin.

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What's the difference between the Hulk and the Thing? One's green.

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Q. What do you get when you put a Jew and Adolf Hitler in the same room? A. Trouble

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A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

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Matrix if it had been with (as planned at some stage) with Will Smith. Normal Neo: Yes trinity lets find the others. Smith Neo: Yo pretty lady, lets go find them ho`s and chicken and stuff, then we can like go surfin and driving nuts and all that crackin stuff and then we etc etc. Normal Neo:... Smith Neo: You tellin ME this is your world Smith? Im Anderson yo and the one, Im gonna bitchmack you all and then just whoop you all with my master blaster no kidding buddy I have yellow belt Kung fu yo! Neo: We have to do something. Smith Neo; Yo unless we make a real rap video first we cant do the proper stuff you, why is this place all so green, get some colaaas! Seriously first we get carlton and then he dances his crazy dance while I go boyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ with my rap ok?

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

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two kids see a girl naked in the woods They walk away promptly to their homes and tell their mothers.

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What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

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Allah walked into AK Bar

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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there are two muffins in an oven one muffin says "whoa, its hot in here!" the other says nothing, because it is a muffin, and the other muffin, in reality, said nothing either.

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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I'm going to rewrite history. History.

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why did the baby die? It was hit by a bus and then raped by a seal.

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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