What did a husband do when he came home to find his wife murdering their children? Nothing. There is no excuse for domestic violence.

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A rooster lays an egg on top of a henhouse. Which way does the egg fall? Roosters don't lay eggs.

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What has hands but can't clap? - A Quadraplegic

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Your mom is so dumb that she had a below average score on her IQ test.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Too get to the other side. Duuu no one crosses the road to get killed.

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A white guy and a black guy are sitting in a bar. The white guy apologizes to the black guy for the hundreds of years of slavery endured by his people.

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What do you get when you breed a dog and a cat together? A call from the RSPCA.

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you can either take the test now or on monday. (hand movement)

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Why was the cookie sad? It had just been eaten and is currently disintegrating in the hydrochloric acid of someones stomach.

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Why did I get thumbs up from everyone? Answer: Because they like my anti-joke.

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What did Sammy get for Christmas? Raped.

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whats fat round and mentally special? PeterPanMyHero!

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

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If it's mid-july and there are flying cows everywhere, how many bacons does it take to impregnate a spaghetti ? 3, because because vases can't swim in the dark.

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A man goes up to an old friend and says: "Help me, I just found out that my friend is gay! What should I do!?" The other man replies: "If there is no problem, I cannot help you... Yet, there is one. Your homophobia. I suggest that you see a therapist immediately and I hope that you can get over the fact of the contemplation of a sexuality."

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Two girls are backpacking in the Sierra Nevada. They walk 8 km from their base camp at a bearing of 42 degrees. After lunch, they document the wildlife they have seen because they are tracking the populations of species native to the area. Then they continue on their hike, but this time at a bearing of 127 degrees. After 5 km, they reach their destination for the day and set up a temporary camp.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger at Terminator: Gaynysis (or whatever I wont bother checking that out) YA NEED TO REMUV THE QUANTANAMO TRANSLACATOR TO RELOCALIZAYSEE THE INTERDEEMENENTIONAL MAYTREX! Yes, Pops but what about the time travel Paradox? YOU NEEED TO REMOV THE CRISTAL PALARDOXAL WARCALIBREITOR IN ORDA TO DESINSTONYSE THE DEEMENTIAL CORDALOXEY! Me: *Leaving the cinema* Moral: If you thought the trailer was like "meh", then you will soon realize it was the best part off the movie... The only part that is meh, and while I can honestly say I dont understand shit about how timelines work in Terminator (The creators dont do it either) Having Arnold Fucking Swartsnigger go with the Geek lingo DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! To explain things to me, NOTHIIIIING!

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What are you going to get your mom for mothers day? I have two gay dads.

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So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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What was the only reason a ginger ever won in a fight? It was against a Dementor.

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What's white and sticky.... Jizz

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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What did the german speech therapist say to his mute patient? There a few methods we can use to help you obtain the power of speech.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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