'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts

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How many pancakes can you fit into a gopher hole? Red - because ice cream doesn't have any bones.

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

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A man walks into a bar

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Why did the black man get a welfare check? Because he was either unemployed and decided he wanted someone to keep feeding his family, or decided to push forth the unfortunate stereotype of African-Americans not wanting to work and being lazy. Or maybe he didn't, why don't you ask him?

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you are reading this Then it must be deja vu

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q.how do u kill a jew? a.you glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

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how do u get a clown to stop smiling? Hit it with an axe!

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what do all elephants have in common? they are all monkeys

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Why did Jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms. Knock-knock Who's there? Not Jimmy

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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What do you call a fat guy? A fata*s mothaf*cka

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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