What has 2 legs, a heart and a conscience? YER MA

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you get a bear out of tree? You shoot it

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken die? Because it was crossing a busy road.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is worse than throwing your baby in the river? Letting Moses out of Egypt

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How many chickens did Moses bring to the ark? 2

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the little boy get after falling and hitting his face on the ground? A prolonged nosebleed. And Leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Mom, how do you make babies? When a daddy and mommy love each other very much... They play with trains and tunnels!(Yay!)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's round and cheesy? A cheese wheel.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What happens when a black man is swinging in a tree? He is enjoying the swing set I helped his father put up.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

One day a duck was swimming on the lake and sees an alligator. The alligator says "You will be my next victim." The duck says "Quack."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what is sadder than lost in a ps4 game ? Your mom's funeral, she died in a horrible accident yesterday

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's bigger than China and Smaller than my penis? Russia and a smaller penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the homosexual farmer say when he answered the phone? Hello

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why can't Anne Frank write a sequel? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What happens when you get caught inside a tornado? You don't, the debris around you will most certainly kill you before you get close to the tornado.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse being a horse and doesnt understand english is confused and scared by its surroundings it gallops away knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how did the man with just a head hide the fact that he murdered someone? im not sure but this seems highly untrue as someone could not kill someone with just their head.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops