I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who pooped in my garden?

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Why doesn't Hitler drink whiskey? Because it makes him mean.

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whats 2+2? 4

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why did marybeth fall off the swing i shot her in the fart box and she died

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Why did jack fall off a cliff? Coz the hill was on a cliff.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey has a very weak cerrebellum.

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Q) What is black, white, and red all over? A) A zebra that just became the kill of a hungry carnivore

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? It doesn't matter, the only chuck that matters is Chuck Norris.

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how do you wake up a really old man? you dont, he's probably already dead.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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How do you get out of editable poly? You don't.

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A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

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If you don't see banners here, it doesn't mean they are not there...

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What would you call Shaquille O'Neal if he was on the moon? Shaquille O'Neal, or any nickname you may have for him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenic, and don't have any friends

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Your momma soo fat.... that if she doesnt start exercising and eating right she will be more likely to get adult onset diabetes.

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Why should you be scared when a black man asks you, "What are looking at?" Because if he is over the age of 18, he should know better than to end a sentence with a preposition, unless of course, he never had an education, in which case... you should probably run for your life.

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Q:What's worse than watching the show Jersey Shore? A:Nothing.

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Opinions are like assholes, neither one can ride a bike, except for the assholes

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If the blue dog falls out of sample object, how many bananas does my mom eat? No, because markers can't talk

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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How did the corpse cross the road? They can't cross the road they're dead.

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So you're flying around in your bathtub, how pancakes to shingle a doghouse? Airhockey, because pizza bagels can't cry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops