Roses are red, Violets are purple not f**cking blue!

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius.

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why do woman love the twilight books? i have no idea woman can't read

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Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

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Why did Susie fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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A Chinese man, a Mexican man and an African man walk into an American bar. None of them know any English and can not order a drink. They walk out promptly, frustrated by the difficulties of living in a strange new world where they don't speak the native language.

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."

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What do you call someone that blows up a plane? Nothing you were on that plane

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why did the boat crash? a tomato was driving

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Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

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Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

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why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

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Why couldn't Mary see the painting? Because she had no face.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't care I have AIDS

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How did the failing slut get an A -she studied really hard

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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

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So a horse walks into a bar. The rancher immediately contacted medical help, and with a little teamwork, the horse was treated and revived.

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Why is travis so funny? Trick question, He died of cancer 3 years ago.

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A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

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What did boy with now arms and no legs get for christmas A pogo-stick

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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