how many dirty stinkin apes does it take to put in a lightbulb? 3 dirty stinkin apes, 1 dirty stinkin ape to put in the lightbulb and 2 dirty stinkin apes to throw feces at each other

What is more difficult than trying to get blood from a stone? Trying to teach it Japanese in the process. [L]

who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

Whats included in over 90% of all car crashes? A Car

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Impossible, non-living organisms are incapable of moving and babies lack the brain capacity to understand how to screw in a light bulb.

why did the boy fall over? because he was hit by a fridge that fell out of the tree.

Why couldn't the T-Rex clap his hands? He was dead.

A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

3 guys are walking in the woods there are 3 paths they each take a path. the first path lead to a shed that said blowjobs 25 cents the second path lead to the same place after they all made it threw the first guy said he got a blowjob so dose the second guy. the third guy said i made 50 cents

What is worse than an 11 year old getting raped You getting caught

Two drunk drivers got in a car crash They both died

What happened when the man turned on his TV? It was tuned to the Discovery Channel

What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

Knock knock. Who's there? There's no need to ask this question due to the fact that most homes are built with peepholes nowadays.

knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

Whats big and blue and white and if it falls from a tree its sure to kill you. A fridge with a denim jacket on.

Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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