why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

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How many babies does it take to paint a fence? depends on how hard you throw them.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? No. Well, neither has he

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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Two Mexicans were sitting in the back of a car. They were carpooling to save gas.

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A Jew walks into a bar and says drinks are on me.

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A horse walks into a bar You have been reading so many anti jokes that you can actually anticipate the anti-joke punchline to this joke, because it is one of maybe 3 or 4.

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What can fit between breasts? Is long? And gets hard when you jerk it? A seatbelt.

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How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

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Q How is it Going Patty? A:Hi Patrick hows it going?

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Why didn't the man go to the movies?? Because he likes pie.

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Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

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Why was the man foolish for buying a new lamp? Because he lived in a small shack with no electricity and was probably going to die soon.

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A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

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i hate it when people repeat the same jokes. i just hate it when people repeat the same jokes.

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What did the boy with no mom get for Christmas? He was beaten by his drunken and abusive father.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penuin that got bit by a sea lion.

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why did the chicken eat his brother? he was a canivore

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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a

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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A terrorist robs a walrus.

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What's green, has six legs and lives in the jungle? A Snooker Table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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