Did you hear the one about the flying turtle? No? Okay I'll tell you about it. So one day there was a flying turtle. His name was Larry and he was a turtle that can fly. However, nobody believed that Larry can fly and he wanted to prove it. So the next day George, who was a flying octopus, called Jerry on his cell phone and told him a story about a Larry. Jerry, who was a media reporter, was so offended by his story and called the police. Question: What did the police say? Nothing because it was a made up story

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion. Still would have been cool to be a dad :/

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park in a safe and risk free process.

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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What's white, black, red, and flies? An airplane pilot with a battleaxe driven into his head

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What did one apple say to the other apple? -Nothing, apples can't talk

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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What starts with P and ends with ORN? Porn

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theres no 'I' in 'team' but theres an 'I' in 'hitler'

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: To get to your house. A: Knock-knock B: Whose there? A: The chicken!

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Lasers are red, Tasers are blue, and I will use them, to kill you!

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What's 2+2? Fish

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They say laughter is the best medicine but i've always found it hard to laugh at cancer.

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Whats green and fluffy? Your mom.

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What do you call a dog with no legs Nothing it won't come

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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2 penguins in a tub. one looks to the other an says, "pass the bar of soap." the other looks at him.."what do you think i am, a typewriter?"

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what did the thief say to the man that lost his car? i stole your car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops