- Anti Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

- Mommy look, I built a sandcastle! - Who cares, you have cancer.

What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

The opposing forces behind all human beings is not light vs darkness, not good vs evil, but fear vs ' love. Whatever is overwhelmingly good for one person, is evil to many. Overwhelming darkness wont allow you to see. Overwhelming light will make you blind. You can never fear overwhelming love. You can never love overwhelming fear. These are the true polar opposites, part of all emotion that drive the human being.

Why did the crab blush? It didn't because crab's can't blush.

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

Whats grosser than a bloody hand? 2 bloody hands.

Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

Once upon a time a homeless man was walking down the street. He stopped suddenly and realized he didn't know how to read. So he walked to the library to find someone to teach him. A woman was sitting at one of the tables so the homeless man walked up to her and asked, "Can you teach me how to read?" The woman stared at the homeless man for a few moments. Then she replied to him saying, "Not until you take a bath." Realizing that he smelled awful and that his face was covered in dirt he nodded towards the woman and left to go find a shower house. The homeless man came upon a hotel and asked the receptionist, "Excuse me sir, may I take a shower here?" The receptionist gave the man a long hard look and said, "Not until you find a better set of clothes." The homeless man looked at himself and saw that his clothes were quite old and worn out so he left the hotel to find a clothing store. He finds a clothing store and asks an employee, "Sir, may I have a new shirt, pants, socks, shoes and a pair of underwear?" The employee quickly said in reply, "Not until you pay for them." The homeless man remembered that he indeed was poor and didn't have a penny to his name. So then he walks out of the store to go find a job and make some money. He happens across a storage facility moving many heavy boxes. He walks up to the supervisor and asks, "Pardon me sir, do you need any help with moving these boxes? If you can pay me a few dollars I will help you." The supervisor said to him, "Sure, start moving them to that unit in the corner there. So the homeless man worked until dusk, made $55 dollars, went back to the clothes store, bought new clothes, waked back to the hotel and took a shower, and finally walked over to the library where the woman was still sitting and learned how to read. He walked out of the library feeling accomplished and full of pride. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. He slipped on the curb into traffic and was hit by a car, dying on impact.

What did the black police officer say to the white police officer? We just got a call in. Four dead children were found in an alley behind a mall.

Whats black and white all over? Michael Jackson

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

What starts with a 's' and ends in 'ex'? Sex -XH

What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman are standing on the side of a cliff. The Englishman jumps off the cliff. The American also jumps off the cliff. He is followed by the Frenchman. Suicide and depression are major problems in today's world regardless of nationality.

why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

A Blonde walks into a bar. She is in an abusive relationship and drinking her pain away.

What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

If a blonde and a feather were dropped off of a building at the same time, which would hit the ground first? A feather is a light object and would most likely float all the way down at a slow velocity, the blonde is most likely 100+ pounds and would die because she is stupid.

What is a dog's favorite color? Dogs are colorblind and can not see colors.

Three men walked into a bar. The last one ducked.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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