In Soviet Russia..... the exact same thing happens, stupid.

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Q:Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A:Sea creatures seeking shelter and food

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

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what do call a girl with a waterslide nose? Ava Sherman

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Three construction workers are high up on a building when they decide to take their lunch break there. The three open their respective lunches, converse pleasantly, and enjoy the fine weather.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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An american, a brit and a mexican are on a plane. The brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!". The mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!". The american proceeds to throw the mexican out of the plane. "Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the brit. The american turned around. "He killed my wife."

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Two muffins were in the oven...They were taken out after about 40 minutes, and then enjoyed by all.

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A dog walks into a bar, the bartender quickly says to its owner that he must leave as dogs are not allowed in. Upon realizing that it is a seeing eye dog, the bartender retracts his statement and serves the owner a drink.

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roses are red violets are blue i just made you remember two girls one cup

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A dyslexic man walks into a building labeled, Bra. He then thinks he has found heaven but is suprised when all that is served is beer, not milk.

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your period is red your waffle is blue find a way to fix it or no sex for you!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely for no discernible reason as chickens are animals with poor reasoning skills.

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what do you do when you forget to do your math homework? kill your teacher

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Once soon a time there was a boy named steven. He dropped his ice cream because... You know the rest

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

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what did Marvin Gay's father say to him before he died? "hey come listen to this 45 real quick"

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What happens when you give a boy a cookie? He falls asleep and his parents think he was kidnapped by a serial killer.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

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What do you call a three-legged cheetah? Crippled.

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Ding Dong! Who's the - - - wait - - - I don't have a doorbell.

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Hitler.. Hitlar... Hillar... Hillary Clinton

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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