Roses are red, Violets are red, Daisies are red, OH SHIT! MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!!

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A jew goes into a church. Yolo.

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YOOO MOMMA LIKE A BIG MAC FAT JUICE AND ONLY WORTH A BUCK!!!!

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An elephant walked into a pub and ordered a strong Vodka and Coke. "Long day?" asked the barman. "Yeah. Very. So many people stroking my trunk in my apartment - It's meant to be a private place. I'm scared to go back there. One child said they were going to rape me."

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Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box

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How did the three girls get free drinks? Two of them were attractive and out of obligation to "the game" the third girl was also purchased a beverage.

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how do you get 20 people in a mini? open the door would be a good start but i dont think they will all fit.

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What do you call a man having sex with his own mother. - Gross.

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I have 20 dollars and 27 cents. How much money do I have? 20.28$ I found a penny.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What do you give a homeless person? Poop in a bottle.

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Pick it up and put it in a crib, like a responsible parent.

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HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

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Why did the clock say 10:30? It was a digital clock!

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what do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in a mailbox? a horriffic murder

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A child finally stood up to the school bullies! Recently the news did a story about a school shooting.

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PENIS

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An Irishman and his sheep are locked in a barn together for 3 days. On the 3rd day his wife finally notices that he is gone, and comes looking in the barn for her husband. She liberates him, cooks him dinner, and they both laugh at the bestiality that occurred in the barn. 3 days is indeed a long time for anyone to endure.

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The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The average American sees a half-finished glass of water that is not flavored and is therefore is not worth any reasonable person's time.

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Why were two black men fighting for a dollar that fell on the floor? Because they both lost their homes in the crashing market and have to care for their ill children that need money for medical expenses.

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George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

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What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? Broken.

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Josh, this is your mother. I was wondering if you wanted me to bring my lube and strapon to bed tonight. Wait never mind about the strapon because i have my dick to use.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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