How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Andoni was here

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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What's the difference between a tree and a lamp? One is a tree, one is a lamp.

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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A man takes his girlfriend ice skating on a lake. As they are ice skating she says "we should go back home and fu..." At this point they fall through a thin spot on the ice and they both drown in the lake. Fish ate their dead bodies

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what do you call an animal thats black and white and red all over? an elephant

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Chris. Chris who? Wow, I thought we were better friends than that.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

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why did little johnny start choking? because somebody shoved a bag down his throat

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How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A:I don't know i was asking you P.S. leave your answer in the comments below :D

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two peanuts were walking down the street one was assualted

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

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What's worse than shitting whilst fucking? Losing your eye! Kelvin Yang

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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what did a poor guys get for christmast ? brain tumor.

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today in aa we were telling stories one of them was: that a girl put a wet cat (to dry it) in the oven

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops