Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

Yo momma so stupid she threw a rock at the ground And missed.

How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

Why did the girl make a sandwich for her boyfriend? Because she offered to make lunch in order to save money by not going to a restaurant.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

a dyslexic man walks into a bra and realizes he is quite lucky as another man walks into a large steel pole

What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

What's black, white and red all over? A race war

What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

So seriously you have never ever played videogames before?

whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

Lol, okay you have made Nero of the clan of the Moralians the mighty laugh and go aww... Seriously, first of all, WHAT THE FUCK IS NAUSEUS? Secondly, okay its Ridge Racer, close enough, aww, seriously that sounds like the cutest thing, I mean did you bleed? DID YOU HARM YOURSELF! DELIGHTFUL... Moral: Seriously though, seeing you tilt over while playing a racing game, kinda cute, just put a pillow there next time you know just saying, because I play videogames, I cant go sexytime for hours without pumping some ADRENALINE INTO MY MIGHTY ROD OF STONEFLESH!

What did the black kid get for Christmas? An X-box, a sweater and some socks.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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