Mother: "George what happenend to your pet rock?" George:"I dont know." Mother:"Here! I found your pet rock. It was in the same place it was before!"

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One, two, three, four and five

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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A man drinks a java while using Java His java was hot, making him spill on his laptop Blue screen of death

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what looks like a bananna but is blue a blue bananna

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How can you tell the difference between a black guy and a white guy? skin color

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Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she is a fictional character.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange! -door opens- You fucking come over here selling oranges one more time Julio and I will have you deported.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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A jew walks into a bar.... He has a beer and then goes home to his family.

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Roses are Blue Violets are red, I need to go the the bathroom

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a brick at him.

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Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.

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What's more disturbing than finding an apple in your worm? The fact that you're eating a worm.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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What's annoying and wears glasses? The kid next to you

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Why did the elephant die? It was murdered by poachers for it's valuable ivory tusks.

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Why did the chines were sunglasses? It was sunny.

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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Q.How Do You Make 7 People Laugh? A.Tell Them a Good Joke.

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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