A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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there are two muffins in an oven one muffin says "whoa, its hot in here!" the other says nothing, because it is a muffin, and the other muffin, in reality, said nothing either.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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Why did the chicken cross the road So he could get back to the farm and lay more eggs

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

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Allah walked into AK Bar

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two kids see a girl naked in the woods They walk away promptly to their homes and tell their mothers.

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What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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why did the boat sink the captain drove it into a pile of sharp rocks

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An irishman walks into a bar and drinks 6 pints of guiness. He then drives himself home and savagely beats his wife and children.

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What's worse than a piece of food stuck between your teeth? I don't know, what? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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What did the soldier get for his birthday? Shot in the face.

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How do you stop a black person from drowning?.. Take your foot off his head

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How did the old man die? His family locked him in the basement and then burned the house

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What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

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So two people have conversation Luke: Hi Logan: Hi Snake eyes: ALHSKjagjdaoggj;jdjg;aj;kaj'dgajd Luke: You are so smart! (you retarted piece of poo) Logan: GAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBEEEEEEN

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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Whats the difference between a soccer ball and a baby? Babies cry when I kick them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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