Tom: Hey Fred. Do you wanna hear a joke? Fred: Sure Tom! (long pause) (10 Minutes Later) Fred: Tom, I thought you were gonna tell me a joke? Tom: I did, the joke is that there is no joke.

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A blond, burnette, and red head walk into a bar. They sit together and enjoy a few drinks while catching up on eachother's lives.

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A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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What's worse than a dead baby? A dumpster full of dead babies What's worse than that? One is still alive at the bottom What's worse than that? It had to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It came back for seconds

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What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

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What should you do if you have a 10 inch penis? Subtly tell the world via an anti-joke

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What's blue, white and red all over? Not a duck.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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How does a person with Alzheimers' poem go? Roses are red, Roses are red, Roses are red, Wait, what was I doing?

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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What's worse than finding a dead baby in a dumpster? Recognizing the baby as your missing child, and finding the corpse of your dead wife next to it.

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A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the middle names."

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What do you call a black priest? Holy shit.

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Q:Why was 6 afraid of seven? A:Because seven ate (eight) nine

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Yo mamma so fat she has to have anti biotics to keep her alive

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Knock knock Whos there Who Who who Don't stutter it was just a joke

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Yo mama so stupid, she signed an apointment with Dr. Pepper

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Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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What did the soldier get for his birthday? Shot in the face.

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What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

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So a man walks into a bar... ouch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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