A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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say it ten times fast: oh

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What does a salmon and a falcon have in common They both live underwater except for the falcon.

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Why did the orange cross half way across the road Because it ran out of juice

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Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

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What did George Washington say to Genghis Khan? Nothing they are both dead.

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How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

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Lightning strikes 2 year old baby.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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Female Orgasms

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Mack: Hello Jonathan: Hi Mack: My name is Mack, what's your name? Jonathan: My name is Billy Mack: You liar! I'm reading this post at anti-joke.com and whenever you reply, your name shows Johnathan! Johnathan: Well Mack, I guess you broke the 4th wall. By the way, this joke is over in 3, 2, 1...

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Three black men was in a car. They were going on holiday.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man i a gorilla suit with a banana.

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What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

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Why was the man scared? Because he was being attacked by a giant tiger.

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How do you get out of editable poly? You don't.

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Does an albino chameleon turn different shades of white?

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You dropped something.... Yo lip

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Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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