Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

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How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

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a man was hired for a job. he made a lot of money and was able to support his family.

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You sick fiend

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What did the clown say when he was denied health insurance? Nothing, he died of his pre-existing heart condition.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have a pint or two.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure!

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why does the pie have apples in it? it was apple pie.

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the man walked into the bar and said ur gay

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Why did the farmer cross the road? To catch the chicken

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What do you get when u cross a owl and a bungy cord...........my ass

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One day a object is flying overhead in a city and a man in a crowd of pedestrians yells, "It's a bird!" another man yells, "It's a plane!" No one else says anything as they stare at the two men that had become so excited about a possibly seeing a bird or an airplane.

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Can midgets still have big dreams?

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What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

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What do you can an astronaut with an apple? Never mind, I have a boner.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daisy's are white, Metallica.

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Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

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What's similar between a black man and jelly babies? Nothing

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How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

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A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work, and he meets this girl and they really kick it off, so the girl says, "lets go somewhere more, private" and they both go to a more secluded bar that has less decibels of noise.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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True fact: every rabbit lives their whole cute life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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