How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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why'd the chicken cross the road It didn't, it was safely placed inside a chook house

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How did the man want his hair cut? In silence.

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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What do you call a black man that works in a church A priest

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? It would be cannibalism to eat a black man.

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What is worse than stepping on Lego bare foot? Mass genocide.

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Safety in numbers? Try telling that too six million Jews.

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Two Scientologists walk into a bar. For $5,000 you can hear the rest of this joke.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One asks the other "Isn't it hot in here?" To which the other replies, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"

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The last person on Earth is sitting home alone when suddenly there is a knock at the door. Knock knock Who's there? *silence* Damn this joke got creepy...

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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A man walks into a bar at 4:00 PM NO it was actually 4:01 because my clock is messed up and My dad likes cheese plus pie

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Why was the mother sad? Because she had just watched her beloved baby get shoved in a blender.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your grandpa's dead So are you.

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What looks like a lion, sounds like a lion, and feels like a lion? A lion Ba dum chh

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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Knock Knock Who's There Fat white lady with dreadlocks Fat white lady with dreadlocks who? want to buy some girls scout cookies?

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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why did the jockey lose the horse race? he mistook his horse for Sara Jessica Parker

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What did the man say to the prostitute? Can I pay you to come with me to a cheap motel and partake in sexual intercourse with me?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops