Why did Timmy mow the lawn? He didn't particularly like the way it looked Why did Timmy fall down the well? He is retarded and thirsty How did Timmy die? He had stage three lung cancer Why cant Timmy drive a car? He has been dead for three years

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#Last Christmas I gave you my heart #And as far as I know #The transplant was a complete sucess #And you have recovered from your operation #And are now well again #This year to save me from tears #I'll donate my kidneys

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Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

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Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

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Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

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If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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whats worse than having ants in your pants? getting sotomized by a lightsaber

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Knock Knock Who's There Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce down the street building his new garage

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Knock Knock Who's There The police, your under arrest.

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What do Alzheimer patients think of the internet. Happy pi day.

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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Q: What is white, and comes out of a woman? A: No, milk you perve

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What do you call a Muslim Extremest at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible tragedy for the Muslim community.

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Roses are red Roses are white and I one time saw a purple one

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

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did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

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A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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Yo momma's so stupid... she scored poorly on on the SAT, failed to get into a good college, worked at a walmart and lived an otherwise mundane life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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