A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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Why did Romney loose the election? Because Obama had more votes

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How did the guy fall off the roof? He was pushed

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Why did the man throw his son out the window? His house was on fire

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A white guy, a black guy, an asian guy, an indian sit together. Canada

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Q: Why did Jesus die for our sins? A: He didn't.

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Why does the Batman theme song have 'na na na na na na na na' in it so many times? I guess Batman really likes sodium. Or maybe his record player's broken.

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A man walks into a bar not a duck though

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Your mama's so hairy, she has to shave occasionally.

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Ok good, just checking. It would be a shame for your perishable foodstuffs to go bad.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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Three explorers are walking through the jungle when they are suddenly captured by a group of cannibals, the cannibals, going through years of culture and hereditary custom, kill the explorers, skin their bodies, chop them to pieces and cook their flesh, finally they eat it giving them a prosperous feast while the rest of the world is unaware of whatever happened in that jungle.

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what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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