Why didn't Hellen Keller scream when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing Mittens

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Little johnny raised his hand one day in class and asked if he could use the restroom. The teacher said he had to say the abc's first. Johnny successfully recited the abc's and then proceeded to use the restroom.

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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So a guy is on his way to work and he nearly gets hit by a bus. He sticks his middle finger up at the bus driver but a couple seconds later he realized that it was the same bus he was supposed to get on so he apologized to the bus driver and got on the bus. He was 15 minutes late for the 420th time this week so he was fired from his job and went back home. On his way home he was not allowed on the bus because he left his oyster card somewhere so he had to walk home. 69 minutes later he arrives home to his wife and kids. What did the man say to his wife when he got back home? "Hi."

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What did the blade of grass say to the other blade of grass? Nothing, as grass does not have the capability of speaking and does not have a brain, all it has is a complex life system where it feeds off water. If it were to say anything though, it would say, "Hey! We're both blades of grass!"

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why did miles cross the road? Because hes gay

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How many lesbians did Tiger Woods bang? None, his standards are much higher than that

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Nero, listen, do not try to imply that you created the Iron man method, that was developed by many people over the duration of many years in the former underground society. You seem far too educated to be the savage you claim to be, if I told you that our people will do the uttermost to see if we can fix that eye of yours and succeed, will you forgive my failure and imperfections as a leader? Look at it this way, I am a leader, not a ruler, what my followers do is up to them, but if they cannot understand that they have to pay the consequences behind their actions, they have no place within the order, as for the expression "my order" it is simply what my many followers like for me to say, not because they are unwilling to take responsibility, but as a token of praise. Our articulations and means of expressing desire and such are very much the same, have you ever been part of our order?

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why did the jew cross the road? He didnt. He got stuck in the wire fence.

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Why was there no girl on the swing set? She decided to get off of the swings.

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Your momma is so fat that she's developed a cardiovascular disease and has 5 weeks to live

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How is a presidential election like Alien vs. Predator? Whoever wins, we lose.

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Why did the German burn the Jew? Because he dropped his tea.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Knock,Knock Who's there? Afro Circus Ya get the fuk off my property!

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Two People runs into a bar. They were thirsty.

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Where did jimmy go when the bomb exploded.... (Everywhere )

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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Why are the asians on cabin services? Because they do not speak english well enough to converse with guests.

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Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

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a black guy walks into a store and is caught stealing things the police are called they get there and hes calmly escorted to the police car

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A man that says YOU SUCK MY DICK YEAH!finds a woman that says YOU SUCK MY BOOB YEAH!They get married,The woman is actually a gay man!

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What do you call a really old black person? Someone's grandfather

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A cow and a goat are at the top of a hill. The cow starts to eat the grass, and the goat says, "Hey! That's mine!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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