Why was the baby crying? Because it was just born and usually a baby cries when its born, if it dosent it usually means something is wrong, so the mother was happy to hear her baby cry.

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Why is the baby on fire? Because there was a gas leak at the day care facility. It would have been a terrible tragedy had a heroic babysitter not come to the rescue.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A tragic drowning victim. And later, food for sharks, probably.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over.

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Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

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Give me time to think of a joke hm..............hm.................hm....................hm....................mmm....................hm?..........................m m.....................mmmmm..............hm...................hm.....................hm......................... ah!i don't want to think of a joke

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A forty-year-old man forces a young child to strip down and take a shower. The child screams and cries, but the man persists angily. He then carries the child into his bed. The child pleads, "Help! Mom, make him stop!" The mother yells back, "Just listen to him. He's your father and it's past your bedtime." This is a common night-time routine for parents with their first child

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

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A man recently set the world record for jumping into a foot of water from 50 feet high. Luckily, this made the clean-up rather simple.

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Roses are red, violets are blue No they're not, violets are violet

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Happy Birthday! Your mom is dead!

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How do you get a clown to stop laughing? You throw an awe at it. Why did Sally fall off the swing? .....I missed the clown

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A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

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Why didn't susie use the jump rope She had no arms, replied carl No, susie doesn't like using jump ropes replies the mother

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whats worse than dieing in an airplane? jumping out of the airplane to save yourself and emediatly getting shredded by the massive engine you did not have the wits to see.

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Your doctor, You've been diagnosed with venereal disease.

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What is the difference between a jew and girl scouts. Girl scouts come back from camp

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Q: How man Jews can you fit in a box? A:if your German than you tell me.

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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A cat ran into the road...I hit it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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