Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

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"Why isn't Bud capable of reading?" Bud is a stone "Why can't Peter drive?" Peter is a woman

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"What's long, black, and smelly?" "The unemployment line." Upon hearing his boss tell this joke, the accountant files a complaint with human resources and the boss must attend several work training classes to develop a better sense of racial awareness and compassion. The workplace soon becomes a much less threatening environment for all people.

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Why did the hobo get hit by a bus? He wanted to kill himself.

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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What's got two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

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What do you call it when a black man kills an Asian man? Murder.

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What did the woman say to the man before she had sex with him? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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Q: What did the homeless man get on his Birthday? A: Hypothermia.

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What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

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What did the Jewish boy get for Christmas? Nothing, Jews celebrate Hanukkah.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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whats red and brown and goes about 30mph? a squirrel in a blender.

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Terry's penis oh wait! what penis But I'm not a rapper

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Q: Why did the son of the dad who went fishing with him die? A: Well, he was either eaten by a shark or drowned while being the bait before that.

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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What did the fat man say to the Spaniard? Nothing. The Spaniard was skinny and so the fat man was jealous and shot him in the face.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? How would she know? shes blind, deaf and mute; and incapable of knowing what she received.

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Max Head fingered himself, HAH

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What did the doctor say to the seriously ill patient? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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