who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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How come Dorothy couldn't feel her legs? The metal cable snapped.

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper. No. A nun with a terrible nosebleed. Nobody ever reads the whole newspaper.

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Turns out a man suffering from schizophrenia believes he is a bartender for animals as his health slowly declines as his family comes to visit him every day.

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A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

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- Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - KGB wh........... *slap* - vwe vwill ask the questions!!!!!!! - Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - Mom the KGB is here again....... - i dont care just answer the damn door - 5 seconds later nobody answers the door....... u here a crash and all of a sudden big men run in with guns - one comes over and slaps the mother while he continues to say " the KGB vwill vwait for no one!!!!!" - every body in the house is shot and and the KGB goees on to tlive normal lives........ for the KGB

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Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, people lived in it. The End.

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What did the fridge say to the watermelon? Nothing.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Parkinsons, ;oshgfs;jgbRHG

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A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

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Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

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What is worse than the holocaust. A worm in MY apple!

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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why do the klu kux klan wear pillowcases on their heads? they were going to go with coon skin but thought it was a little much!!

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What do you call a cross between a dog and a bumblebee? One messed up lab experiment!

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What's worse than being eaten by a giant bear? Hitler.

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what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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