What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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What's Michael J Fox's favorite toy? While, a magic 8-ball might first appear to be a good guess. Let's be honest, those things really lose their luster after the first couple times. More likely it's something like a sports car or big screen television.

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Roses are red, Violets are microwaves, I have amnesia, Roses are red.

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What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Lemme hear it. 25.

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Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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i went to the bar. soon after i entered the bar i got kicked out. why? becuase i'm seventeen.

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What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

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Why couldn`t Sally open the jar? Because she did not have thumbs.

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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a girl had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend over a text message. she got very sad and became suicidal

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

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how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

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What would you do if I jumped down your throat when you were talking? That would never happen, as it's impossible to even climb into somebody's mouth.

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what did batman say to robin before they got in the car? "robin get in the car"

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Q: What's worse than finding out yor girlfriend is a guy? A: He had sex with your dad.

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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What's red and can sing? Elmo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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