A boy asked his dad Why are Chinese eyes like that. His dad replied there concentrating that's why there so smart The boy went up to a student in his class and said look I'm like you The teacher asked who told him that he said his dad The dad was called up by the school when the teacher told him what his son did he went GOOZILLA His wife asked him what he was up to and he said farting on her face when she was a sleep 3 days later he found out his wife was cheating on him he knocked on the door only to realize he was on drugs and that he never had a family.

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Have I ever told you that you looked beautiful? No. Ok, good.

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Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested? He was found guilty of two acts of murder in the first degree.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What's big,long,and mostly men use it? A submarine

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There were two busses. The one was red, the other one went to France.

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their were 2 muffins. one said hello how are you. the other screamed "A TALKING MUFFIN"

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What's the difference between a black guy and a bench. A bench is wooden while a black guy has a human body composed of mostly water.

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Roses are red, Violets aren't blue, They're fucking violet, And I hate you.

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Your mom is so fat, she had liposuction.

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This is an anti-anti-joke.

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What do you think JFK would be doing if he was alive today? Yelling for help and trying to somehow escape his coffin.

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Why did the autopilot of a plane malfunction even though the pilots had engaged the switch? The pilots had taken manual control. I lied about the switch.

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Whats the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari? The Ferrari isn't in my garage.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Lettuce. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! AAAAHHHH!

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Come In!

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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Why didn't the girl take her hairbrush to school? She has cancer and all her hair fell out.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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What is worse than standing on a plug? finding out your family have all been killen in a horrible car crash and your neighbours daughter who happens to be your friend has cancer.

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How do you make a blond shut up? Staple her tongue to the roof of her mouth and super-glue her lips together.

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You and your parents are going to die today

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Roses are red Violets are blue I had sex with your mother

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What's yellow and cant walk? The Sun

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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