Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

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Your mom is so fat she probably has a body mass index of between 25 and 30 which is considered to be "overweight" but paradoxically is associated with fewer health risks by medical professionals.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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Albert <3 Hunter

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

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What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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Betty wanted to see time fly so she threw her alarm clock out the window. Shortly after, her mother grounded her as it was quite expensive and she had become less punctual without it.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

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You wanna know who else messes around a lot? My mom. Do you know who else has the best tacos in town? My mom. Do you know who else doesn't have time for this? My mom. She's a very busy woman; dealing with matters you'd expect a recently divorced mother would have to carry on her shoulders.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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how do you tune a piano, you dont, piano tuners tune a piano, I wasn't talking to you!

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What do Muslims have for breakfast? Corn Flakes.

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bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

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What was in the magical purple teapot? Two dying pelicans.

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What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

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whats black white and red all over an abused child

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What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

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Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

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How many women can fit on a bus? It depends on the size of the bus.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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What is the difference between a duck? A motorcycle because vests don't have sleeves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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