Why did the teenager turn in his work on time? He chose not to procrastinate.

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There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

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Whats Barack Obama's favorite number ? 7

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In a joke book: So a man walks into a bar. Suddenlly the universe around the author crack. Unable to sustain the infinite potential of punchlines, the author tumbles through an empty void amongst shards of his broken reality.

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I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

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So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

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Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

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whats the difference between this joke and other jokes other jokes have a punch line

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

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What is the difference between a urologist and a can of chili? One is hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine.

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Knock knock Who's there? You're You're who? YOU'RE MOM IN MY BED!!! (i know it sucks)

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What do you get if you cross a bomb expert, and a homophobe a blow job

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What's black and red, and covers most of your body? Fourth degree burns. You should say your goodbyes.

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What did the man say when an pterodactyl flew into the kitchen while he was having breakfast? Huh, that's strange.

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Yo Dawg, I heard You Like Kittens and Volcanoes... So, I threw Your Kitten In A Volcano.

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What do you call a man with no arms? Disabled... some people can be so cruel.

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knock knock who's there i am dead i am dead who i am just dead u idiot!!!!!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Whats the difference between a duck? Both legs are of the same length. Especially the left one.

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ur gey

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YO MAMMA SO SKINNY SHE HULA-HOOP THIER A CHEERIO

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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