So a dog walks into a bar.. well thats not true as most bars do not allow dogs.. oh..sorry.

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Seriosly. too much sex again?

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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What's black on top and white on the bottom? Half an oreo

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I told a priest that I would never believe in anything greater than myself. He said I had the God complex, that I was grandios. I stared him in the eye and asked, "how highly do you think of me? Thank you" and left.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. I just bought a new xbox.

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What is the difference between a black man and a bench A bench can support a family of five

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"You just went and made a new dinosaur?" "And due to its well-developed core muscles the staff behind Jurassic World has called it - 'ABDOMINUS PEX'." "That's a stupid name."

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Red my dear, we are no exceptions.

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How many babies does it take to paint a fence? depends on how hard you throw them.

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Q.How Do You Make 7 People Laugh? A.Tell Them a Good Joke.

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Q:what is long ,black and red but smells like poo.? A:poo from someone dying of bowel cancer.!

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Just want to know where I will be dipping my... MANFLESH!

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That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first moneky.. Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.. Why did the 4th monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure..

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There were two chippendales in a bar - what were their nicknames? Chip and Dale

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Q: why did the white man buy a burge A: cuz he was hungry

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Why is Bruce Wayne named Batman and Tim Drake named Robin? They wanted to hunt bats and robins whenever someone does something bad.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapeled to the chicken

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Q. If you're paddling up river and you lose three tires, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? A. Purple because ice cream has no bones.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This website is dumb Your mom is going to kill you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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