What do Kurt Cobain and a whale have in common? Both have holes in the back of their heads

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roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

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Why Did The Man Fall Off His Motorcycle? Because he hit a bus.

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You are joking right?

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Pokerface.

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Suicide isn't the answer, it's just the solution. -by Ross

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A white guy and a black guy are sitting in a bar. The white guy apologizes to the black guy for the hundreds of years of slavery endured by his people.

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Whats in your pants, might get caught in your zipper and you may hold it all day. your pocket.

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If I was trapped in a closet with you and a bear, and I only had two bullets, I would shoot you twice!

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You know what's good for shoulder pain? If you ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 minutes repetitively three times a day

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what did one worm say to the other worm? nothing. worms are incapable of speaking.

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Policeman: Knock, knock. Woman: Who's there? Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

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An Asian man walks into a bar and ask the Barman for a beer, the Barman is racist and therefore tells the Asian man to leave his pub. The man goes home and drowns his children in the bath and pushes his wife down the stairs, he is found out by the police and is given a life sentence in jail. 5 years later the Barman kills someone in a bar fight and is also sent to jail for life. The Barman meats the Asian man in prison and they settle there differences with a handshake. Two days later the Barman was stabbed in the neck.

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q. why did the guy forget what he did at the paty last night? a. because he had short term memory loss

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Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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Whats the difference between a black bird and a white bird? Their colour

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? it had vaginal warts

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Bugsys back back back again with a brand new track cumming on megs back back back with a new boxing cap cap cap, stealing millions from banks having a wank coz hes a lanky cockney mong

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A kid walks into a bar. He leaves wasted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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