What is the difference between a ginger and a pile of bricks? nothing. nothing at all.

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Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

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where do you hide a black mans paycheck? somewhere he would never find it

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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What did the chicken say to the butcher? Moo.

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What do you get if you cross if you cross an overweight woman with a pair of very tight trousers? Exactly that, an overweight woman in inappropriately tight torusers.

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How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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Q: A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? A:They both take turns, because they are driving across the country and it would be hard for one of them to drive the entire way.

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2 sausages were in a frying pan. 1 sausage says it sure is hot in here, the other sausage says WTF a talking sausage!

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How did the Cuban get into Florida? Well he got his passport and other papers, flew in, then went to Customs.

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A blonde, a brunnette, and a red head all jump from the top of a building. They all land at the same time because of Newton's 3rd Law

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Knock knock. Who's there? Falafel. Falafel who? I falafel. You feel awful? Ha, ha, ha! Oh, what a kneeslapper! Oh, God! Thanks for the laugh, I was feeling a little down and I... No, I just meant I ate a falafel. Oh. Yeah.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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A princess kisses a frog to acquire a prince. Then gets arrested for beastiality.

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What are the two words that once you hear, You will feel a sudden gush of euphoria followed by immense depression? The Game

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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Why did the horse stop runnIng? His master beat him to death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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