What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why is the sky blue? You like men.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Guess whats in my hand. Can you guess? A gun. Bam bam, you're dead. Haha

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A: What does MC Hammer like? B: Big Butts. A: Can he lie? B: No.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why didn't the man give a location of the murderer? He was murdered

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It couldnt because a chicken was obscuring its path.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened to the Jewish child that used to live life like a normal kid? Him and his family were taken to a ditch and shot to death. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops