What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

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Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

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Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

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So, a Bobcat walks into a bar. A few moments later, the bar was empty, save a bobcat and two critically wounded men.

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What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

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If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

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If life gives you lemonade.

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What do you call a discounted watercraft? It is traditional to give it a female name.

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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What do you call a blue horse with two legs and five eyes? A blue horse with two legs and five eyes.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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Why did the Muslim cross the road? He was on fire and he needed to get to the lake on the other side of the street to put himself out.

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What is the difference between a peasant and a pheasant? One's a bird.

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What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

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I went out for a nice evening with my wife last week, and we kept getting dirty looks because I'm 42 and she's 19. I get that people are a little weird about that for whatever stupid reason, but it totally ruined our tenth anniversary.

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What does the average fishermen catch Fish

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autsim

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A man says to his wife, "Honey, sex just hasn't been the same lately." "That's probably because of my yeast infection," replies his wife.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist? When you have a toothache

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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