A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is Osama Bin Laden scared of the dark? To be honest, I don't know, and I doubt you do either. Osama Bin Laden has been a fugitive on America's Top Ten Most Wanted list for over 10 years; there is no way that you could possibly know such personal information about him if the United States government can't even locate him and prosecute him for the heinous crimes he committed against the U.S. Don't ever lie to me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why wouldn't Michael J. Fox make a good Sniper? Because he has no military experience.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the black guy being talked to by several policemen? Because he was advertising a new renting deal on an apartment downtown and the two policemen were openly gay and have a right to live together.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from K.F.C

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the man cry... He got hit with a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a Caucasian in Russia? Russian.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the Jew gassed to death? Because he forgot to turn the gas off.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you get a clown off of your property? You ask him politely to get off and if he doesn't, you should contact the authorities immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why can't black people swim? Many of them can. It's racist to assume that.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats orange and cant talk? an orange

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hi im a joke i eat turtles

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops