what do you get if you cross the mafia and the yakuza? a hefty bounty on your head

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

thumb_up thumb_down +17

One sunny Tuesday morning, Tom and his friends were outside playing at the park. Then, suddenly, a violent storm was rapidly approaching. It was recommended that everyone should seek shelter immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the Muslim man burn the American flag? The flag had touched the ground, which, by tradition, means it has to be disposed. And the proper way of disposing it is by burning.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I love you, you love me. Barney is fat and not entertaining.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Really sorry Red, I did not mean to leave you hanging, and I hope you wont leave me hanging either, I just need my meds or thinks can get ugly, my health, I can tell you and even show you what my condition is, and heck show you my meds, but there are certain things even I wont spread on horsehead network, you know, people are so bitchy here on the internet, and if people knew what I got, yeaaah, I may start getting green thumbs, and I HAAAAAAATE those. Seriously, on a scale of zero (my ass) to ten, how insane do you see me as?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you get the neighborhood hoodlums to stop pushing you over in your wheelchair? Brutally murder their families in front of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A guy walks in to a bar and says to the bartender "I'm fed up with all these 'guy walks into a bar' jokes on anti-joke. The bartender says "I have no idea what you're talking about".

thumb_up thumb_down +17

the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

where do some birds live in? Earth

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a blind guy in a library? Kevin. Unless his name isn't Kevin.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the cannibal eat for breakfast? Waffles.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

rodents are bed violents are glue i have lysdexia and short attention spa

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding poo in your shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make a baby cry? put a nail through its foot

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Who won the championship last year? There was no championship

thumb_up thumb_down +17

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE HERE'S A KNIFE KILL YOURSELF KANE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Doors open

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why is dog animal? it is not fish! 18 fits of has hair only have is Buddhist

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops