how do you scare a deaf person? you yawn

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you know what? CHICKEN BUTT. butt of chicken ahahahaa

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Why aren't there any painkillers in the jungle? because of the unethical and unscrupulous practices of big pharma

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What's purple, green, and orange? Dead baby with slashed floaties. What's black, purple, and orange? Same baby two weeks later.

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What did the gym coach tell his student? Come on! You can do it! Push harder!

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What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Get a giant scorpion to rape him.

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What's worse than getting full-blown AIDS? Finding a half-eaten worm in your apple.

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Adeeeellllleeeee where are my shorts

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An innocent man's home was raided by police, who accused him of grand theft auto. It turns out it was just a case of mistaken identity.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Whats worst than finding a worm in your apple? Going to antijoke.com instead of anti-joke.com

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Why'd Mary fall off her bike? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Mary... O.o

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Roses are red Pickles are green I leik ur legs and whats inbetween

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Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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What is red? A rock painted red

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and R. Kelly? One is an arrogant asshole known for pissing on things, the other is R. Kelly.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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Why was Stephanie sad? She dropped a washing machine on her toe

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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