What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

Why was Jacob not allowed to play sports? He fell down in the middle off the street and got ran over 50 times and could never do anything again.

What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.

What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

What did the terrorist get for Christmas? A bullet in his head.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Why didn't the pregnant, pro-choice woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

what did the mexican do yesterday? bang your mom

How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get for ya?" The man replies, "A beer."

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Don't be ridiculous. First of all, scientifically this is near impossible and secondly, what use would a kangaroo with wool be? Sheepdogs would become obsolete and they would be a nightmare to shear. Imbecile.

Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

What do you call a latino with a limp? John...his name is John

Mom mom momie mom mom mom mom momie mother mother. What! Hi.

Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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