Why couldnt the girl braid her hair? She had cancer

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What do a fish and a bird have in common? They both live under water. Apart from the bird.

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A bar walks into a man

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So, there's a black man, an Asian man and an Irishman who are in a bar, politely discussing wether the Asian's phone would break if it was thrown from a plane in the Pacific Ocean. The black man says "Of course it would break." The Irishman says "I have no opinion on this..." The Asian man says "I think it would break, you are right John." Suddenly, a man enters.

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Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party. Joey: Yeah, but for a one year old. What's the point? The other day, she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow. And the cow says...."Elmoooo!" Joey: *starts to laugh* Yeah...that's a funny cup.

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Why did the black man run from the officer? The officer was trying to perform non-voluntary sexual acts against him.

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Okay

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VITAMIN C!

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

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Red sky in the morning, Shepard's warning. Red sky at night, Shepard's Fulcrum.

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A blonde a brunette and a ginger jump off a cliff they die upon impact and their families mourn for years to come.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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all the kids had fun

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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Why did the man not get his licence He was blind

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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A blonde walks into a bar ouch

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what do you call something that dosint exist? nothing.

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Good job, son.

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Why did Rachel fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Rachel.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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When it comes ro the zodiac my grandmother was a cancer and... She ws killed by... A giant crab

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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