Jesus said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But, John came fifth and won a toaster.

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knock knock how there me ok come in

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Why is John gay? Because he enjoys the penis

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I can't remember if I have Azheimer's or not.

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have you seen Britney Spears lately? no. i wouldn't expect you to since she is a pop sensation and you are just a regular person trying to find your way in this world

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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What did the door say to the hand? Please stop caressing me!

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What do you call 200 black people dead in the ocean? It's a start.

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What's a fail with a bowl on its head, a 30 year old, and a 5 year old at the same time? Justin Beiber

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What did Uncle Timmy give to Little John for his birthday? Sodomy.

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How did the magician make his assistant disappear? He killed her and then cremated her body

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how many Pikachu's can you get in a mini? 14.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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why is john so fat years of over eating

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Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

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A white man and a black man enter a public toilet. They both start to pee, and the white man looks over to the black man. He is dissappointed to find that the blackman's penis is not large according to stereotype, and then feels embaraased at his latent homosexuality. They both leave, never seeing eachother again. The white man cries himself to sleep that night. 'I've been hiding too long' he thinks.

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why is santa so jolly? hes not hes a fictional character made up by our parents imagination

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the slaughter-house.

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Why did you insult me and then punch me in the face? The hell if you care anymore, I killed you straight after. Neo-Nero. (Rest in peace Nero7 better known as The Moral Man, I hope I can one day live up to your greatness.) Moral: "Keep your spirits up, we are all going to die sometime, but life means nothing if we lose faith in ourselves and each other" Moral 2: "Nero Septimus, that will be my first and last moral that made a figment of fucking sense, if you are watching from whatever comes from life, I know that this is what you would have done, but just so you know and always wanted for us that followed you, I am doing this for my own goddamn fucking self, respects... Now if your ghost is still watching, get the fuck out of my room you damn cripple, and know that your arm is somewhere in the basement because its so goddamn bad ass that it fucking freaks me out, and so fucking heavy that I think you where some sort of superhuman, now gtfo, as you taught us, we cant focus on the goddamn afterlife, if we are gonna get the best out of life and the present, adios amigo"

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout comes home from camp.

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How are contortionists so flexible? They stretch.

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What time is it? I believe it's half past 10, sir. Damn, I'm late for a meeting. May I ask, what time are you supposed to be there? 11 O'clock Why sir you have half an hour left. No shiitt, sherlock

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A Black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bar tender says " thats something weird you got there". The parrot says "yeah i found it on the street".

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What's worse than the holocaust? The sun exploding.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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