- Anti Joke

how do you confuse a blonde? tap her on both shoulders

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Mine.

HELLO EVERYONE

Why did the man cross the road? He was in a state of depression and chose to commit suicide.

A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

Why couldn't Jimmy have his birthday party at the park? Because little Jimmy passed away several months ago from the result of a vicious genocide committed by a man who didn't properly understand the affect that maiming human beings has on the friends and family members of the person; he was sentenced to jail for a fair and reasonable time for the punishment of the crime he committed in the past.

(Knock, knock) A: Who's there? B: Orange A: That is impossible. Oranges are inanimate objects and, therefore, cannot speak.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a prison. A gang stopped them, and said: Hey, want to play a game? Before they could run away, the gang leader told them the rules. You go over there and stand by the wall. You close your eyes, and then we fire a shotgun in your direction. The last one alive wins. They push the brunette onto the wall. She closes her eyes because she knows she's about to die and doesn't want her friends to see her crying. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. They decide it's the redhead's turn next. They move her onto the wall. Being the brightest one in the bunch, she tries to keep her eyes open. However, she blinks. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. Then the blonde bursts out laughing. "Your friends are dead. And you're about to die. Do you find that funny?" They ask. She answers. "No. It's just- I won the game!"

How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

What does a homeless man get for Christmas? A gun to kill himself with

Finn: Jake, why can your body do all of those magical things? Jake: What do you mean? Finn: Oh never mind. And they both proceeded to enjoy a delicious breakfast.

What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

what is the best invention ever created ? ............ PORN !!!!

Roses are read, Violets are blue, I have aids, now so do you

What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

What's the difference between unicorns and black people? Years of slavery.

Nick Demarco got butt due to the high number of females in his apartment

Q: What is the fastest way to get insulted? A: Go screw yourself m0therf0cker!

What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

What say the mirror if i look in it,? He died

what did the robot say to the centipede? "Stop being a centipede!" It's funny because the robot doesn't have any arms.

An alien spacecraft picks up human transmissions from Earth. They continue on in silence and disgust.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops