I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

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Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

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Why didn't the man fall off his bicycle? Because He wasn't riding a bicycle!

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

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Q) What do you call a black president? A) Mr. President

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Q: why did the plain crash A: the driver is a loaf of bread

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What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

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What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

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what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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So a guy walks in to a bar.... and orders a beer.

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Did You Hear about the Black Guy That went to College?....Neither Did I...

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why did CJ cry?he just ate a pie full of meat from his favorite animal.Pig

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Why did Justin Bieber bieber his bieber? Because Bieber biebers his bieber when his bieber need a bieber bieber. BIEBER

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Awe the sky is crying.... No it's peeing

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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Like to tell patrick porcupine to stop gaming

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Maths.

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How long does it take to microwave a baby? I don't know, I was to busy masterbating. GBW

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what is bad about being a black jew? you have to sit in the back of the oven

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Dinosaurs are extinct.

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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What did the giraffe say to the other giraffe. Nothing, giraffes are animals and thus cannot speak

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Did you ever hear about that rich Mexican?? No. Yeah, me neither.

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What did the two best friends do before the asteroid hit the Earth? They hugged each other goodbye.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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