When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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whats red round and gets smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potatoe peeler

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Why dont polar bears eat peguins? Because they live on opposite ends of the earth and it would be physically imposible!!

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how did the man with just a head hide the fact that he murdered someone? im not sure but this seems highly untrue as someone could not kill someone with just their head.

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How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

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what did the drunk man say to the bar tender? Hello good sir. Fine day today isn't it.

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Doctor: Yes. Patient: I think I'm a moth! Doctor: You don't need a doctor, you need Mental help. Patient: Yes I know. Doctor: Then why are you here? Patient: The light was on.

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What's long and black? A line at KFC.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Q: what happened to the man who dropped the soap? A: nothing, he casually bent over and picked it up.

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How many Ethiopians can you fit in a car? Five in your standard sedan

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Why is a T-shirt like a topaz statue of the Archangel Gabriel? They both start with 'T'.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? A leg-less cow

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What did the guy say when he dropped his baby? "oh no!"

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Fathers Day at Tyrone's house.

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A man called the police and was later arrested for murdering himself,

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a boy liked a girl. too bad she didn't like him.

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What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

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Why was six afraid of seven? because seven has cold, dead eyes.

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ur an fagit

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What did the young child with no arms and legs get for christmas? A bike.

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What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A baseball, bat, and a glove.

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what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops