Why wasn't Johnny at school today? Because he died in childbirth.

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What did one muslim say to the other muslim? Nothing, muslims are inanimate objects and can therefore not speak.

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What did the blind kid get for Christmas? Same ones he got last year.

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3 men walk into a bank. They rob the bank and kil 13 hostages.

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A program that creates "pointless inventions" and posts them at the wrong sections.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas ? cancer

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead

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What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

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why did the boy fall off his bicycle? because his dad threw a refrigerator at him.

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I like my women like I like my coffee, a brewed beverage prepared from the roasted seeds of an evergreen shrub of the genus Coffea.

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Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

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What do fish and shoe laces have in common? nothing.

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Why did the man sit down? Because he was tired of standing up.

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What happen when a penguin walks into a bar? That is an almost impossible occasion. Penguins first of all waddle not walk and they only live in Antarctica and zoos, therefor they will not be able to enter one unless Antarctica becomes populated.

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Why couldn't the man see the camoflague iguana He could.

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Doctor, my husband tells me he doesn't like my figure .... That's irrelevant now, you've contracted a rare blood disease and will be dead within a month.

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If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your neighbor. My neighbor who? I told you already, it's pronounced "Wu" I'm very sorry Mr. Wu.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar and the bar says "ouch!"

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What did the african child get for christmas? Abducted.

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Whats worse than a bullet in the head? i have no idea, i have never been shot in the head so i'm not sure what to compare it to.

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Do you like waffles yeah we like waffles do you like pancakes do you like french toast yeah we like french toast dododododod let me get a mouth full. WAFFLES!!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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